Neptune is Off the Hook

Thursday, February 03 2005

This week, the evening duty followed a familiar theme. The gods of EMS looked at their watch and said, “Hurry up and hurt everybody before DTs gets here!”. Really, I don’t know what they’re afraid of – for gossakes, I’m still BLS.

Between 18:00 and 21:30, again, there was:

  • a hit and run, car vs. pedestrian – who was flown out by helicopter to a trauma center;
  • a BLS car accident, one occupant c/o back pain;
  • a BLS home accident (fall down a flight of stairs);
  • a call for an unconscious (no further information);
  • an adult female c/o abdominal pain;

My crew got a “fall from a standing position” – somebody tripped – which was a patient refusal, and a lot of sleep – thus the insane rush to update this, the chronicle of the mundane.

I thought, given the “feast or famine” nature of the call situation, that I had once and for all identified the malicious Force behind EMS as Neptune. Superficially, our situation resembled fishing – and we weren’t getting any bites. However, on further reflection the similarities between when the tones drop and when the fish bite were few and limited. And it’s not as if we actually bait anything to get trauma, a subject I could go into in detail because we do sometimes joke about it, but I don’t want to give any Evildoer ideas. Besides, I do not fish, and one can only analogize that which is familiar.

I am familiar with sleep – becoming more so as I run with the rescue squad – and so the obvious reciprocal question arose. Not, “Who benefits by getting these calls out of the way before I arrive?” but rather, “Who benefits when my crew and I sleep all night?”, but to suggest that Morpheus controls EMS Tones would be the height of absurdity and paranoia. I am so glad I never suggested it.

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