Psychic Powers

Tuesday, September 13 2005

I wrote a while ago about EVOC and driving, then what happens? We get an ambulance stolen. I wrote next concerning EMS and scene safety, and now this. Psychic power, or coincidence?

I prefer coincidence, meself.

DTs’ regular driver has business to attend, and so a fill-in generously steps up to the plate. She’s able to both drive and perform patient care, so as a change of pace DTs assumes the role of driver. Rather poorly assumes it, as we shall see.

The tones drop, and we’re called out to injuries from an assault at a convenience store. The address is close to the station. “Relax,” says DTs, “Let’s just stage here rather than picking some other spot equally distant.” His Lead agrees, but suggests that we stage in the bambulance, ready to roll. Make it so, Number One.

“Ambulance 2,” says the dispatcher, “Patient has been struck in the head by a baseball bat. Scene is secure.”

Huzzah! Lessee, here, doors open, check; blinky button, check; woo-woos, check; brake off, gear on, away we go. We arrive less than a minute later at the scene, but DTs slows and does not immediately pull into the parking lot.

“There it is, that’s the place,” says his Lead.

“Yah, but where’re the good guys?” asks DTs. “I kinda wanna park next to a lot of flashing blue lights.”

“Dunno,” says his Lead. “There’s someone waving. Pull in.”

“He crawled over there by the dumpsters,” says the Waver. “These five guys walloped him with a bat, then went away.”

Went away? Went AWAY? DTs’ exceptional imagination fills in the Waver speaking to the police: “And then, while these brave, now lifeless EMTs were heroically saving this poor unfortunate’s life, They came back and bunted them into the Afterlife. Whooda thunk it?”

I’d of thunk it. Meanwhile, the Fearless Lead is opening her door-

“What are we doing, here?” asks DTs.

“I have a feeling; we’re okay,” says his Lead. She exits.

Sigh. DTs exits, grabs bags. “Hey, let’s wait for the good guys before we leave the relative safety of these bright lights,” he bargains. “I don’t want us to be bent over this guy if the animals come back.”

A beat. “Okay,” she agrees, but reluctantly. Every instinct says Go Help Patient.

Now, here is where DTs is not a Good Driver, but rather a Lead Buttinsky. “Call dispatch, get an ETA on the police; advise ’em scene isn’t secure, get an ETA. Stay next to the unit, be ready to jump in.”

Folks, if one is not in charge, e.g. Lead, one should not give orders. Bad DTs! Bad! However, rather than point out this Universal Truth, or argue, this exceptional person simply does it.

PD shows up, the patient is found and loaded. A medic climbs aboard and we roar off to the hospital, DTs at the helm.

DTs needs more practice in Closing His Yap, granted. After apologizing profusely to his Lead, he admits this.

But Mr. Dispatcher, I would certainly like to know how bad guys sauntering off with a baseball bat is equivalent to a secure scene!

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