En route to a call, morning rush hour.

Arrive to find patient prone on street, oriented to self but otherwise confused. My partner hit the lights and blocked off traffic with the ambulance while I hopped out and went over. Patient seemed uninjured and was attempting to ambulate (walk) further into the street.

Another quick glance to make sure traffic was indeed stopped, a couple of steps and I was at the patient’s side. A quick head-to-toes visual assessment revealed no lacerations, contusions, abrasions, punctures or burns. Good movement and sensation in all four limbs, no head or neck trauma noted as the patient watched my approach.

Lifted the patient, noted one last time that the thirty or so cars behind us were patiently waiting behind the blinky lights of our ambulance. The patient began decorticate posturing.

Since we were on our way to a non-911 call already, I transported the patient to the other side of the road and placed him in some tall grass to the sound of cheers and clapping from the motorists we were making late for work.

Stupid turtle.


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