Inside Voices

We have little voices in our heads. They say things like, “Hey – this injury couldn’t have happened the way the parents say,” or, “The drunk with the head lac says he was home drinking all day – why isn’t there any snow on his car in the driveway? – check the front bumper.”

The voices pipe up in the back – “Patient is going to vomit in 4.7 seconds, grab a basin” – and we’re glad to have them.

Sometimes, though, the voices want to get out. Sometimes they try to come out of our mouths, and, professionals that we are, we simply have to place both hands over our mouths and hold them in.

Our mid-twenties patient states, “I swallowed a balloon filled with meth, and it got stuck going down. I did some research on the Internet and found out that this could be bad for me.”

DTs’ Inside Voice wanted out. It wanted to say, “Ya THINK SO? Jesus Effing… Man, what… You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” I mean, it’s a balloon, okay, which the patient voluntarily swallowed. It got stuck going down, partially occluding the airway. Bonus: The balloon is filled with a very toxic drug.

And the guy now has to *research this predicament on the internet* to see if maybe, just maybe, this is a bad situation to be in.

wheezy186: Cant breath lol NEbodE know WTF 2 do?

einstein01: DooD just breeth

wheezy186: Got 4G ice stuck in baloon

einstein01: $4 grand wow DooD

wheezy186: nooB 4 gramz

einstein01: DooD not cool GTF to the ER

wheezy186:

wheezy186:

wheezy186: yeah ok

Shhh. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s okay. This is just a warmup for the upcoming “I didn’t think the fuse would burn so fast” Festival.

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